Yes I am still here

So i realize i have been horrible about updating everyone. I have felt quite overwhelmed with all the stop and go news over the past few months so here's where we are at. The Stem call transplant had been put off until we could get the continuing growth to stop. Since just before Thanksgiving i have been on another high dose chemo which was certainly the toughest i have had yet. But the good news is the pet scan is as clear as ever so this thursday we are supposed to start. I have had a walk through and everything but of course with the way things have gone in the past i am always expectant of change. The last few treatments have left me quite exhausted and ready to be done with all this. Not that i ever wanted to continue before but honestly i feel i am done with chemo even if this doesn't work. My hearing has been greatly damaged with the last few treatments which we are praying is not permanent but i also know that it is a possibility. If you want to pray for something make it my ears. I could not imagine getting through all this and being healthy and never being able to play music or sing again, and the way i am hearing now would greatly affect that. It makes me once again wonder what God is doing. I believed over the past 2 years that maybe this would be my awesome testimony and through music, which i believe is one of greatest gifts from God, would somehow be even better having come through what i have. Now though not hearing makes me wonder if I am looking in the wrong direction again. I am confused. Is God doing something completely different or is He just waiting for the right moment to heal me and make my story that much more amazing? Thats all for now, a little update. I will let you know how this week goes and hopefully continue to write as much as possible while locked in my bubble. Not looking forward to it but I just have to take each day as it comes.