Friday, October 02, 2009

Fell off the earth

So most of you are probably wondering what's next. I know it's been forever. Its amazing as I have been trying to get back up to the speed of life how overwhelming it all is. I promised some people I would try to update everyone a little better again so here goes. I am back at work full-time which is awesome. Amazing how you can actually miss working but i did. For the most part I am feeling good, Been battling a bit of pneumonia the past 2 weeks. For most people this would seem like a huge deal but to honest we were just happy it was pneumonia and not the big C. I have my Check-up Pet Scan today which we are all praying should show nothing but the pneumonia. Been still battling a bit of cough and fatigue from the BCNU affects on my lungs. Some what frustrating but not unexpected i guess. Just makes some days really hard to breath. I am finally getting to my studio projects too. One of my goals or discussion with God was using my talents in music more when i was healthy. I am currently trying to promote and build up a permanent space to setup the studio. Having a lot of fun so far. One of the ideas in the long run would be to go into places like St. Jude and offer to record and teach kids music. I certainly know how much i wish i had something like that to distract me in the hospital and I'm sure most would love the opportunity. So pray that idea can be developed some more and i get healthy enough to be around sick kids to do it. Lakeside Orangevale is chugging along. It took me a bit to get back into playing and leading but the last few weeks that i have lead have been awesome. I really believe people are starting to catch the excitement i have for worship, but we always have room for growth. Even have some of my own music i am preparing to share with so i hope people will appreciate it. I wrote a lot of thoughts down in the hospital but haven't, until now, started piecing them together. I just want to be honest in my words and worship that God is not only putting on me now but at the time of crisis. I think people will be interested in those thoughts. I even spoke already at another local church, Fair Oaks Presbyterian, where i went to high school and college group and lead for so long. People were very interested to hear my story and where God has taken me over the past 3 years. Got some great feedback from people, so who knows maybe I'll start actually teaching or preaching or at least doing some motivational speaking again. Been awhile since I've actually preached, but it was exciting sharing what is on my heart. So thats it. Please keep praying for health and I will try to update as best as possible so people don't think i've just died or disappeared. I'm joking of course but someone actually asked so you know how rumors get started. Appreciate and love everyone for the support. See ya

Check out my new site for the studio and pass the word if you know anyone interested in getting recording done.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009


So I know it's been awhile. I've been very busy finally with life. This is a blessing though not a bad thing. I thought i should drop a line to let everyone know though that we had some amazing news. I had my first pet scan since finishing the radiation treatment, which was not fun at all. The scan not only was clear but was reviewed by a lady that is normally quite a stickler. If there's something there even in the faintest she will call it out. Only a couple little spots in my upper chest are showing but not hot and these are believed to be scarring from the pneumonia and stem cell chemotherapy treatments. So I am in remission and cleared for the time being. Energy is still a bit low but it's not stopping me from trying to exhaust myself living again. Its very exciting and I am just trying to enjoy every moment. Getting my recording stuff setup to do some recording for other people and also in the process of finally recording ideas for a new album and a new band. That's a very exciting prospect for me i think. To know i could get back to playing shows and stuff like i would like too. So thats it. Great news and keeping busy. Getting back to leading worship almost every week now, so that's exciting too to see what can happen in Orangevale when i actually have some energy. I will try to be better about updating you about the music and everything we are working on. This whole life thing is sort of fun, can't wait to have more energy. Thanks for reading and all the support still. See ya

Monday, April 27, 2009

Normal Life

So i'm starting to feel normal again for the first time in a long time. Sort of weird. I got in some part-time hours last week and I'm trying to get to as close to a full week in this week. It's just odd. When you learn to live dreading the next test it's kind of odd to think this could be over, at least for awhile. It's still a great feeling though. Probably most excited to be able to work out and play some golf and not feel like sleeping all day. Amazing how the world passes you by when all you can think about is waking up to eat and going back to bed. Not that, that wasn't important in the recovery it was just very frustrating to feel like i was getting better. But now everyday seems to be better and stronger. Although i am amazingly weak. I am attempted sit-ups tonight and failed miserably. Guess that's gonna take some time. but I'm excited to throw myself back into life, even if it only ends up being for a year or two before we have to try something else. I obviously pray it's not and believe after all this I have so much to share it's time to get moving. Gonna get to lead worship in a few weeks which is always awesome. Even on weeks when i am dragging to get setup by the time people are singing and worshipping it's worth every moment of the practices and setup. Hopefully the radiation shouldn't keep me from getting back to singing too long. The side effects seem not wonderful but compared to the last 3 months i say bring it on. So here i am ready to jump off a cliff back into my so called life. I think the one thing i most want to hold onto and not forget is how much i long to do something amazing. Something that transforms or effects people. I have seen already the love and compassion from people that comes by first thinking of others and i can only hope that somehow my life will be worth such sacrifices. Not that i don't long for normalcy again, but i am setting myself to be committed to changing people's lives, whatever that influence is. If it's sharing my story from my cubicle at work or traveling the world, i think God has a plan. I know He does. I just don't want to get in the way of that. Keep praying for strength and my radiation which starts up in a week. I have some reservations but I do trust my Dr that this is the right thing to do at this point. Pray if it's not that it's obvious. God certainly has answered that prayer before. See ya

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

really important

haha got you. no actually some of the greatest news i have heard in awhile besides my remission. MEWITHOUTYOU has a new album coming out may 19th. Ok so i'm crazy but it's the little things that sometimes are easiest to get excited about it. Most of you have no idea who they are and if you do you may hate them, but their lyrics have spoken to me probably the most of any other band and other people or things i've read over the last few years so give them a listen or at least read some lyrics. You'll be excited too, hopefully. that is all.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Afraid to post

It seems like every time i do an update something changes. So i've been a bit slow in blogging this, but. I'M in REMISSION. At least that's the consensus at this point. Houston unfortunately can't continue with their type of treatment until I show proof of disease. Not that I am bummed to not have Cancer. The reality of it all is that relapse in my case is pretty high for the next year or two. So now we are back to radiation here in Sacramento. The chance of relapse after radiation becomes more like 3 to 5 years and in some cases never. So obviously that's what we are praying for. It's a little weird to be sort of done though. You think about it but now that i am at that point at least for awhile it's somewhat overwhelming. I am going to be trying to go back to work and hopefully playing again sometime soon. The last couple days have been probably the best i have felt since at least thanksgiving. Really excited to work out and try to play golf with all this great weather. So that's what is happening for now. I start radiation in a week and half. Not really worried about the side effects though compared to everything i have done so far. Almost seems like a cake walk compared to the stem cell when they talk about it. So we will see i guess. Houston was good and bad. Good news about remission but i am sure some of you heard i was put in the hospital for pneumonia and breathing problems. Seems to be clearing up so far, now i'm back to just dealing with side effects of the stem cell. Slow progress but at least finally some progress. Guess that's it. Great news, just need it to stay that way. Thanks again for all the support and prayers to get us this far. Keep praying this is it and maybe a little radiation i will never have to be stabbed and subjected to toxic drugs again.

Thursday, April 02, 2009

The anticipation is killing me

So now that this Houston thing is a go it's driving me crazy just waiting. I feel very good about this treatment. All along its seemed almost too easy too get to Houston. What I mean is we had looked into some other treatments centers over the past year for a few trial type drugs but nothing ever materialized. Then the moment we read about going to Md Anderson both Rosemary and I felt excited about the possibility. It seemed like over night people were excited too and wanted to know how to help. To raise over $40,000, which is the new total already, in just 2 months seemed absurd. Not that I wasn't excited by the talk of donations, I just had no idea people's level of generosity. Now we are less than a week from beginning the initial testing and could be on treatment as soon as the week of the 20th. Just amazing. I know i blogged before about how God seems to work in my life. He gives me doors open to walk though and it's my decision to peek inside. Other times he slams the door in my face leaving me questioning what's next. But later it always makes sense. Music has been like that. Jobs have been like that. Leading worship has even been like that. When i left 1830 and the worship service i lead for quite awhile and had come to love, I didn't understand some of the changes God was making. But leaving turned out to be only months before starting to get sick. Ultimately I would have had to leave. I don't know why God allows the things to happen in my life this way but it makes it obvious and clear when a really important decision is at hand. Instead of planning everything out which never goes to plan, we are walking in faith that this is the place and treatment we have been waiting all along. Even if it took all this time to get there. I know the maturing i have had in the last 3 years could have never been learned another way. Thank you for being a part of that.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Houston here we come.

Well its finally here. We will traveling to Houston next week to begin the testing for the amazing treatment that MD Anderson has to offer. We talked a little with the doctor and she confirmed what we had heard which is great success with odd cases like my own where remission has been hard to get with traditional chemotherapy. We wanted to say thanks to everyone who has contributed to the fund to help us pay for next week. Thanks to everyone who contributed we have over $37,000 to help pay for the initial testing. I would have never believed we could raise almost the entire 41k in just 2 months. thanks so much. Continue to pray for Rosemary and I as we travel to Houston that this will be our last treatment that i need. I feel very confident that we are close to finally beating this horrible disease. See ya and thanks again.

I'm Too Young For This!

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