The Adventures of Bubble Boy (day 20)

The last nine days has felt like hell. The last time i wrote my counts were just on the fall. By day 13 my immune system was completely zero. There is a number for this called anc or absolute neutrophil count. Mine anc on day 13 was zero which meant i was now as susceptible as ever to disease or sickness. So i just laid there. My mouth had been completely destroyed by this point and become a huge source of pain. I was like having the worst part of a flu except extended over a week long duration. The last couple days have been a little different. as my counts came back certain things have gotten better. my mouth seems to be returning and i have been ale to actually eat the last 2 days. on weird thing is the shakiness i am having. I believe i am having withdrawals from the morphine they had me on for a couple weeks straight. i believe this is what is causing the shakiness and on edge feeling i have because having come off diluadid before, a similar drug, the feeling are the same. Hopefully soon though i will be out of here. they are supposed to be pulling the line out of my chest this afternoon. they may have to add a smaller catheter in my arm for a few days so i can still continue getting some iv antibiotics which are much stronger than the pill form. apparently they will send nurses to the house each day to give the iv and and check up on me. this last iv is a very strong antibiotic i have been on the whole time that should hold of anything still trying to fight inside. the doctors think that the chest line i have in might actually be causing much of the leftover infection. Once that is removed hopefully my body can finally try heal up completely. hopefully this will all take place today and i will either go home tonight or tomorrow. not sure if i can do this whole thing again for a analogous transplant. I am praying that God has finally taken this burden and weight from me. i am very excited though to try to get healthy enough to go see MD Anderson. they are able to do traditional treatments too in case we want to do radiation or whatever. I struggled with God like Jacob in the desert asking for a blessing that i did not deserve. I love that story because jacob keeps fighting and even after being injured he stills holds on the man he wrestles. Jacob even says i will not let go until you bless me. at that the man asks his name. he says Jacob and the man says his name is Israel for he wrestled and overcame. Israel calls the place Peniel because he has seen God face to face. I have that struggle the past 3 weeks. arguing pleading with God that i am to tired to go on and need a blessing. i believe he has. dont know what that will hold but i want it to start today. i want to scream from the mountain tops that God has saved me. i want to sing day and night of the healing which is only in him. this is to be my lifes creed.